#174: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Motherhood and Blogging

I recorded this solo episode because I wanted to share what I wish someone had told me about motherhood and blogging before I became both a mother and a blogger.

Are they compatible? You bet. Are they in conflict? You bet. I call it a big soup of emotions, challenges, and successes.

Everything about motherhood is contradictory, and being a mother and entrepreneur has lots of those contradictions built in.

But being a blogger and entrepreneur has been important for my metal health and has even made me a better mother.

In this episode, I share my journey, the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and the things I would do differently if I could. Enjoy. And please reach out with any thoughts or comments you have!

Show Notes:

• The Beginner’s Guide to WordPress Course
• MiloTree
• Become a Blogger Genius Facebook Group
• #160: Get More Traffic with These Cutting Edge SEO Strategies + New Google Update with Casey Markee
• My 4 Biggest Takeaways Newsletter
• The Blogger Genius Podcast Episodes
• Catch My Party

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Intro 0:04
Welcome to the Blogger Genius Podcast brought to you by MiloTree. Here’s your host, Jillian Leslie.

Jillian Leslie 0:11
Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the Blogger Genius Podcast. I’m your host, Jillian Leslie, I am a serial entrepreneur, with my husband, we founded Catch My Party, the MiloTree pop-up app. I’m a business coach, and a business translator.

So, I take what is working in online business, I break it down. So, you can use these strategies yourself to grow your blogs, your online businesses, and make more money.

Before I get started, I am really excited to announce this. I have just launched my first course called the “Beginner’s Guide to WordPress: How to Write Killer Blog Posts with Ease.”

It is not just for beginners, it is for anybody who has a WordPress blog, but does not feel 100% comfortable using it or who needs some overall strategy on blogging.

I start with the real big picture stuff of how to make money with your blog, how to think about content.

And I get all the way down to how to use the Gutenberg editor what all those crazy dashboards are for in WordPress, and I have to read you what one of my beta testers said about the course this is Sarah from Beyond the Playroom.

And she wrote, “This course is fantastic. This will save people literally countless hours. Jillian is really intuitive and seems to know exactly the questions and struggles people face with WordPress and blogging. I’ve done quite a few courses. And honestly, this one is my favorite.”

And I have to thank Sarah for that. But I so, believe in this course. I of course, offer a 100% money back guarantee, I am rolling it out now at a special price of $169.

And in two weeks, that price is going up. Also, there are some bonuses that I’ve included.

Like I personally will review your first blog post that you write in this course. So, please, to learn more and sign-up head to milotree.com/wordpress. Super easy to remember you’ve got a WordPress blog milotree.com/wordpress.

For today’s episode, I am talking about being an entrepreneur and being a mother at the same time. I’m really honest, in this episode, I share the good, the bad, the ugly of what my experience has been like.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Motherhood and Blogging

And I wish somebody had told me all of this when I was starting out. Really, that is my purpose. If you have any questions or thoughts about the episode, I would love to hear from you.

Please reach out to me at Jillian@milotree.com. But I really hope that I can help support you on this journey because I don’t think there’s a better one. So, without further delay, here is my episode on parenting while building a business for yourself.

For a little backstory, Mother’s Day was coming up and I posted in my Facebook group, the Become a Blogger Genius Facebook group. By the way, if you have not joined, please do. I posted, “Hey, do you struggle with motherhood and blogging?”

And it was one of those posts that it struck a chord. Because all of a sudden, I just started getting response after response saying, “Yes, yes, yes. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt. I don’t know how to manage my time. I don’t know when to outsource.”

All of these questions. And I thought to myself as a mother, who has built businesses while raising my daughter, that I would share a little bit about my story and my recommendations for you.

My Experience with Motherhood

So, a little bit about what it was like for me as a mother. I really didn’t know what it was going to be like, I wasn’t prepared. I kind of thought oh, I will just tackle motherhood like I’ve tackled everything else in my life.

I’ll read all the books, I’ll study up, I’ll get good at this and I will kill it. And in fact, David and I had been together for six years before we had our daughter and our relationship was really steady.

And so, I thought to myself, okay, we’ll just continue living our lives after we have our baby and nothing’s really going to change. And boy was I in for a huge surprise, a huge awakening.

And I would say the first inkling I got was, after we discovered we were pregnant, I was pregnant. I went to the grocery store, and I bought like just so many organic fruits and vegetables.

Because I was going to be that beautiful, healthy yoga E-Type pregnant woman. And I was going to have this like blissful pregnancy. And then two days after that, I got really, really sick.

So, much morning sickness that all of the food in my fridge ultimately spoiled. I couldn’t even open my fridge and look at it because it would just make me want to hurl.

And I realized that even though I had all these plans that somehow, I wasn’t in the driver’s seat anymore. And this is the first inkling of like, “Wait a second, how come I’m not in control, and how come I can’t will this to be different.”

Now, I want to say up front that ultimately, my daughter was born healthy. She was a little bit early, but not premature. She was a little bit small, but again, not a preemie.

And my pregnancy while I was sick for a while and had some spotting, and had gestational diabetes, and had an emergency C-section. Ultimately, everything turned out fine. And Lainey was very healthy, and I had no lasting medical issues.

Being Unprepared for the Shift into of Motherhood

However, I was so unprepared for the shift that was about to happen. So, Lainey was not colicky, but she was not an easy baby. And she was not a sleeper. So, I had sleep deprivation like you cannot believe and while again, I don’t think I had postpartum.

I was really unhappy. And feeling like this situation was just spinning out of control. It felt like my house burnt down, and even my marriage, which I thought was so solid.

I remember calling my mom up, who by the way has been on the podcast, and my mom is very wise. And she’s a psychologist. And I remember saying to her, during the really difficult times I would say, “I know I love David. But can you remind me why?”

Because to say that having a newborn does not put strain on your marriage is, gosh, it felt again, like everything was different. And so, what I would say is that I found motherhood, especially new motherhood, even pregnancy to be so humbling.

That here I thought I knew something here, I thought I could just study my way out of it. And boy, was I wrong. And I always say this, I think that I was hijacked by my own biology, that when my daughter was born, I fell so deeply in love with her.

And I didn’t expect that. I didn’t know what that feeling was like. And all of a sudden things that I held to be true were no longer true. So, at the time she was born, I was a writer in Hollywood, and I was a successful writer.

I was writing a movie for Salma Hayek. And I remember talking to my producer on the phone, and she said, “I know that you’re going to have a baby soon. But you still have a couple more weeks, right?” And I was feeling weird feelings in my stomach.

And I said, “I don’t know. Maybe my baby could come sooner than that.” And that night, my water broke, and boom, I was in the hospital. So, there I am giving birth thinking to myself, “Oh, my God, I’m behind. And my script is going to be late.”

And that was also freaking me out. So, that was just again, another thing that was on my mind.

My Old Life Didn’t Fit Me Anymore

And one thing that showed up very quickly was that writing movies in Hollywood was no longer as satisfying or as fulfilling when I had this new baby to take care of. That was my priority.

All of a sudden, my job, my number one job was I was Lainey’s mom, and everything else kind of fell by the wayside. And that was one of the reasons why I said to David, who was working at MySpace at the time during the heyday.

So, his hours were crazy. I said let’s take our faith in our own hands and start something and that’s how we ended up starting Catch My Party. But it was so interesting. My Hollywood career was everything to me.

And again, how my biology shifted, and it no longer seemed to be the most important thing. And I’ve spoken to so many mothers about this, that they had these hard charging careers.

And all of a sudden, they had a baby or two and everything shifted for them. I always compare it to wearing a sweater that’s just too tight and itchy. And you have to take this sweater off at some point.

Earlier, you thought this was the cutest sweater ever. And yeah, it was a little itchy, maybe a little tight, but you were so willing to wear it because you looked great in it.

And now all of a sudden, it just was intolerable. And that was really how I felt. And again, I didn’t expect to feel this way.

The other thing I want to share, and you can tell me if you feel this way, too. I didn’t understand contradiction, until I had my daughter that I could feel two conflicting feelings at the exact same time.

I remember one difficult, difficult night and she was just crying and I was nursing her and it was 3 o’clock in the morning and I have never felt so low. And yet at the same time, I’m holding my precious baby and feeling so happy to have her. So, much meaning.

And I remember thinking, “How can I be feeling these two feelings?” And it’s like, the two feelings were so loud, one in one ear and one in the other. And they were coexisting. And I think that parenthood is so much about contradiction.

As my daughter grows, I am so proud of her. She just turned 14. And I’m like watching this young woman emerge. And I am so, delighted to see this. And at the same time, I feel sad.

And it’s so, bittersweet because, wow, we’re already 14 years in, and I don’t understand where all the time is gone. So, there are times where I would be so frustrated with her. And like, I wanted to throw her out the window.

And yet at the same time, God, if a bus were coming down the street, I would jump in front of that bus without even thinking. And I think for me, understanding this contradiction has been a challenge.

But the more I come to terms with it, that I can’t reconcile it, and that these feelings can coexist. I think I have had more peace. So, I give you that and let me know if you agree with me about this contradiction.

So, again, for me, it’s contradiction. It’s humble. It’s so humbling. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything as humbling where David and I would look at each other and go, what do we do? Oh, my God, we have no idea what to do.

We have this little person. And this is a really big responsibility. And for both of us not to have a plan, I think was really unusual. And I think we had to get used to that. I think that for me, having had Lainey it was really about remaking my life.

And I think that it was about recognizing that everything was going to be different going forward. And how do I start to make peace with that.

My mom, again, who’s wise, said to me from when Lainey was really young, she said, “Hold on to this time, because you kind of just rent them for about 11 years.”

And having a newborn, I thought to myself, “Oh my God, 11 years, that’s never going to happen, that’s never going to come.”

Time Starts to Feel Strange When You Become a Parent

And I want to tell you as somebody with a 14-year-old that time is another one of those very, very strange things that happens when you become a parent.

For me at the beginning, when Lainey was an infant, it was like the most stressful thing that I could have gone through. And at the same time, it was like watching paint dry. Just to get through one day, it felt like an eternity. And it was shocking.

Like if we could just get through a week. Lainey was like three months old. And David turned to me and he said, “Let’s do something fun this weekend.” And I snapped at him and I said, “There is no fun, fun is over!” And that’s really how I felt.

And I would say it took me a long time to come back to any sort of fun and again, Lainey was not an easy baby. And that’s the other thing. Everybody’s experience as a mother is different.

And everybody wants to give you advice and you weirdly want to give other people advice. And I always say that whenever something came together for us like sleep, and I would give advice.

I felt like the karmic banana peel would just be right there in front of me and I was going to slip and fall on my face. So, I always thought about that. That as soon as I thought I knew something and spoke about it as an expert, I was so wrong.

And I think it’s because there’s so much in raising children, they’re constantly changing, so you can get something together, and then it’s going to fall apart the next week. And I wish I had understood that a little bit better.

Being a Parent, to Me, Is About Meaning

But that is the whole process that it is this nonlinear experience, and it has its ups and it has its downs. And I would say, for me, being a parent has been all about meaning. I don’t think I could have understood love in the way that I do now, being a parent.

I don’t think I could have understood what it was like to be a woman without being a parent. And for me, the richness is in the love is so deep and so important. It was like I had her and my life came into Technicolor.

It was not all cupcakes and rainbows by any stretch. And I always say to somebody, hey, if you’re ambivalent about having children really consider not having them.

Because this is not going to help your marriage, this is not going to help you feel confident in yourself. In fact, it’s going to bring up all of these feelings. So, be willing to take this on in order to have this little human being.

So, what I wanted to do was I wanted to share my thoughts on how to manage motherhood or parenthood, and blogging, starting a business on your own.

Now, I personally think it was the best decision I could make, especially because I got to work with David and we are a good team and leaving Hollywood was not hard.

Even though again, I was a successful working writer and I walked away from it because it just didn’t satisfy me and fulfill me in the way that it had been for 10 years before.

And something about building my own business was so much more gratifying and having the freedom to manage my own schedule. By the way, I’ve probably worked harder at our businesses than I ever worked in any other job that I’d had previously.

So, it’s not like, oh, this is a cakewalk. Not at all, but it’s ours. And I think for David and me, we are very aligned, because our goals are totally aligned. Which is how do we create this life that we want for ourselves and for our daughter?

So, when it’s late at night, and he has to work I don’t feel bad because I know what he is doing is for us and vice versa. Okay, here are my thoughts, especially for you mothers with little children.

Advice: Be Honest With Yourself as a Mother

I wish somebody had told me this when I was starting my business. So, the first piece of advice I have is to get honest with yourself as a mother. I was not a park mom, I hated going to the park. I hated packing snacks for the park. That was just not my thing.

And so, what I did was I outsource that to our babysitter. And it was hard because other moms love the park and being with your kid there and it was weird, but it never made me happy.

So, being honest with myself to know this was really beneficial and to be honest, and to go well, “You know what? That’s not my strong suit.” So, what is my strong suit? Well, I’m a really loving mom. And so, that is something I can do without even thinking about it.

But where are the things about motherhood that I really dislike? Another thing that was really difficult for me was remember, I’m like this writer. I’m Jillian Leslie, I’m like a writer. In Hollywood I have a reputation the whole thing.

And while I felt like I had a more important job as soon as I became a mother, it felt also weirdly limiting that when Lainey started preschool and I was known as Lainey’s mom.

That became my first identity that all this other stuff, my MBA from Stanford, my past careers didn’t matter. I was now Lainey’s mom; I was Jill Leslie Lainey’s mom. And that was really shocking. I felt like my identity had been stripped from me.

And it was weird because what I was talking to the other mothers about were things like potty training and food allergies and sleep. And weirdly, I did find that kind of fascinating.

It also was shocking that we weren’t talking about our lives and who we were before having children. So, that was a big transition for me. And I had to do some mourning for my old self, because my old self was nowhere to be found.

Again, in the analogy of the sweater, I didn’t want to wear that uncomfortable, but super cute sweater anymore. But what kind of sweater did I want to wear? I didn’t know that in the beginning.

So, when I was able to get real with myself and talk about what I liked about motherhood, and what I didn’t. And I had some friends that I could be honest with. And that was really to go like, “Oh, you don’t like the park either?”

That was really helpful for me. And so, what I would say is, if you are thinking about starting a blog, or you’ve already started one. Do recognize that, for me, my business was something separate from Lainey, and that was really positive.

So, even in the beginning, when we weren’t making any money, it was mine. And it was a way for me to define myself outside of being a mother. And I cannot tell you how important that was for my mental health.

My Business Has Made Me a Better Mother

And I’m going to say this a bunch of times, I think that I was a better mother, because I started to carve something out that was only mine and David’s, but it was like I had certain jobs. I was a blogger; I was starting to build relationships in this business.

And so again, if I had been a stay-at-home mom, I was at home working on our businesses on Catch My Party at the time. But if I were just to be available to Lainey, 24/7, I think that would not have been good for either of us.

Especially for the kind of mother I wanted to be. Just having a couple hours with a babysitter was so, worth the money for us. Because it enabled me to come back to her fresh.

And so, again, I think that was about being honest and saying, “No, I don’t think this would be good for me to be the sole caretaker of her.”

And so, I recommend you start there with what is it about motherhood you like? What is it about motherhood you don’t like? Because there’s lots of things to like, and lots of things not to like.

For example, I would get bored singing the songs over and over again. And I would do it but it was hard. And I would look at the preschool teachers and think oh my god, I do not understand how they can do this and how this gives them joy.

So, those are kind of some of my truths. And I recommend you think about your truths and think about what really makes you a better mother.

Advertisement 22:58
I am taking a short break not to talk about MiloTree which by the way, I think is the best pop-up app out there to grow your social media followers and subscribers.

But to say if this episode is speaking to you, then please pause it for one second head to Facebook and join my Facebook group. It is called the Become a Blogger Genius group. It is filled with some of the most wonderful members.

And it was the inspiration for this episode. So, if you want to continue the conversation, I go live every Monday to talk about my most recent episode, and I welcome you to join me. Remember, motherhood can be very lonely.

And being a solopreneur can also be very lonely. If you want a community of like- minded people. Again, go to Facebook, join my group, the Become a Blogger Genius Facebook group. And I really welcome interacting with you over there.

And now back to the episode.

Your Business Will Have Seasons

Jillian Leslie 24:07
The next thing I would say is when you think about your blog, recognize that it’s going to go through seasons as your kids grow up. So, when they are infants, for example, like that’s a 24/7 job and maybe you can carve out a little bit of time to work.

But you’re not going to be able to work in the same way you will when they’re 14. And I don’t think I fully understood that there were these seasons and when I think about it, it’s like infancy and babyhood and preschool.

And then elementary school and now we’re just finishing Middle School. And with each season your kids get a little bit more mature and a little bit more independent.

When Lainey was in preschool, she had a best friend and I really liked her mom and we would do playdates. But the playdate really was the mom and I dancing around with fairy wings on, with our daughters like we were the entertainment.

And I wouldn’t even be able to talk to my friend because we were spending so much time playing with our daughters.

And I remember my mom saying, “I promise you at some point Lainey is going to have a playdate, where you are actually going to drop her off at a friend’s house.”

And I said to my mom, “That is never going to happen.” And I will tell you that it did happen. Not during COVID. But before this, I would drop her off at the mall with her friends. And that was it, it does happen.

So, know that there are these seasons to your business. And you can only give as much as you can during each season. But you will gain more time as your children grow. And I know that can seem crazy, but it is real, it is true, you can trust me on this.

So, therefore, what can you do now with the limited amount of time that you have, because part of the reason my guess is you want to do this is so, that you can be home or available for your kids.

So, that you can make it to the soccer game or you can go to the performance at school, that kind of thing. But you’re also going to pay for that, in that you’re going to do something which you’re going to work in the cracks.

Your Life as an Entrepreneur Will Be Messy

And it’s going to be kind of messy and kind of ugly. And that’s just the nature of it. So, the first thing I want to say in terms of thinking about your business is your job at the beginning is to build a really strong foundation. And what do I mean by that?

I mean, you understand what niche you are in. While you don’t have the time to do a lot, you do have the time to do the hard thinking. And what I mean is, think about your niche, what could you be an expert in.

So, this isn’t a time to say I’m going to just blog about a whole host of things and hope money shows up at the door, it doesn’t work like that.

Find Your Niche and Become an Expert

If you can discover your niche, and where you want to lean in, and what you can become an expert in and how you can attract an audience to you eventually. That’s what I recommend you do. That is a solid foundation.

The second thing is to understand a little bit about SEO, and how to start creating blog posts that over time will get you noticed. By the way, you might want to sign up for my WordPress course where I talk about this.

I talk about how to think about creating content, how to do keyword research, what kinds of posts should you be creating, and then how to do them in WordPress. So, I’m going to put a link in the show notes.

But you can find it at milotree.com/wordpress. And you can find my course, because it will give you this foundation.

So, this is your time for a foundation, this is your time to start creating blog posts that will pay off for you as dividends in the future. And when I had Casey Markee on the show, he talked about how it can take a year for posts to start to show up in Google.

Now, you can get more traction on Pinterest, and Facebook and Instagram, that kind of thing. But really be thinking about using your limited time and getting as much bang for your buck as you can at the beginning.

Do the Hard Thinking Up Front

Even though you won’t necessarily see pay offs at the beginning. And one thing I’m going to say to you is the question is, are you going to get rich now, while you are trying to build your business at the beginning?

And I will say no, the answer is absolutely not. Which doesn’t mean you can’t start making money. But it’s not like you’re going to be making money hand over fist. And this ties into my next piece of advice, which is to figure out where you could make money.

Again, this is doing the hard thinking up front. So, what is working for your business? And you want to lean into that because there are not enough hours in the day.

For you to be active on social media. For you to be blogging. For you to be who knows what and so you have to prioritize. And for me, my North Star is money.

So, if for example, you’re doing blog posts with affiliate links, and people are clicking on those links, and you’re starting to make affiliate money. That should be your North Star. Not growing your followers on Instagram without a plan.

You should if Instagram is actually making you money, I would say lean into Instagram. Same thing with Pinterest but just to go, “Well I know I need to have an Instagram following or oh I know I need to be making pins.”

Go Toward What Makes You Money

But you haven’t connected the dots on how this blog posts and we talked about this in my WordPress course. The goal of each blog post and how that goal needs to tie to making money.

You just don’t have enough time to be doing all these other things that spread you so thin and burn you out. And then at the end of the day you go, “Yeah, but maybe this is just a hobby.”

The way to turn your hobby into a business is to focus on very specific things. Things that grow but things that you can monetize.

Okay, the next one, this one I wish I could have internalized this earlier, which is, if possible, do not compare yourself to others in your field. And of course, it’s impossible not to do that but to recognize to put this, I would say this message in your brain.

Which is you have no idea what their real story is. You don’t know what their struggles are. You don’t know what their financial situation really is. People are ready for it. I don’t know if you know this, but people do not always tell the truth on the internet.

So, every time you see a competitor. And again, I say the internet is a really big place and not to think of these people as your competitors. But let’s say other bloggers in your niche.

Recognize you don’t know what their story is, you don’t know what they’re struggling with. You don’t know anything only what they’re showing you and you know, that social media is kind of fake. You know this.

Try Not to Compare Yourself to Others

So, please, write this down, put it on a post, I have all these post-it on my computer, put this as a post-it on your computer.

So, you can remind yourself that you do not know what their journey really is. Really try to just use yourself and your own benchmarks to see your own growth.

Okay, this is another one. As a mother, especially if you have young children, you are going to have some really awful days. And struggle with a lot of stuff like whether it be a kid is sick, or who knows you fought with your spouse, you will have bad days.

My recommendation is every single day do one tiny thing for your business, maybe it is just replying to one email. That’s it. Good, you did it. So, just be in the habit of doing one thing, it could take four minutes.

Because this way it creates the muscle memory of yes, I work on my business every day. But when you cannot do more than reply to one email, you’ve done it like you got it girl, give yourself some props. Because this is hard.

And then the other mantra, aside from not comparing yourself to others is start again tomorrow. If you have a tough day, start again, tomorrow, clean slate, not spending time beating yourself up.

Because you knew, you should be further along than you are. We all should be further along than we are. Even people who are running, I don’t know the most successful blogs out there. They feel like they are behind as well. Please know this.

So, the mantra is, “Okay, I’m going to chalk up today to it being just a hard day a struggle. And I can start again tomorrow.” This is all about being on your own side being your own cheerleader, because the truth is, your kids, they’re off living their lives.

They’re not saying, “Yay, mom, I’m so proud of you.” When they’re three, and you might not even be getting that from your spouse, your friends will not understand what you’re doing. So, weirdly, you get to step up and be your biggest support, if possible.

And please embrace the concept of B-minus work. This is something I talk about all the time, remember B-minus, it’s not perfect, you are not aspiring for perfection, you are looking for good enough.

Do B- Work

And in fact, remember B-minus is above average work. I’m not recommending bad work, but we hold ourselves to this high standard. And remember, here we go. Perfection is not profitable.

B-minus is profitable, it is doable, it keeps you moving forward. And that’s what you need forward momentum. So, you can put stuff out there, test it, see what connects and build more of that.

Again, I’m going to reiterate this focus on where you make money and do the thinking now. This is where I feel like I made mistakes. I was like well, I need to grow all these social media platforms.

I need to create all these blog posts but I didn’t put all the pieces together. Why did I need to create this blog post? How can this blog post grow my business? How can I collect email addresses from this blog post?

How can I then sell something to my audience? And this is the next point I want to talk about, which is, as you are doing the heavy lifting of thinking through your strategy, which by the way will change over time.

But having this strategy set at the beginning is very, very important. Think about where you make money, but also think about what products and services you can provide for your audience. Those are the people who are super successful that we see.

Think About Products You Can Sell

Yes, affiliate income is great. Yes, ads on your site are great. But the truth is, when you can start to come up with solutions that you can charge for. That people will take out their credit card for and pay, that’s the goal.

And it takes a while to find those because what you’re looking for is product market fit. Where people will pay you for something, and chances are the first couple times you’re going to strike out. And that’s just the nature of it.

It’s like dating, you got to kiss a lot of frogs. Same thing here. So, start thinking when you’re in the shower, when you’re walking your kid in their stroller or you’re at the park, wherever.

What services, what products, what can I be hearing from my audience, where they are struggling? And how can I come up with a solution that makes sense?

This is where you hang out in Facebook groups and listen to the conversations, listen to what people are saying. But that is where you want to be focused in terms of your thinking.

So, when you go, well, I need to be on Instagram, it’s like nope, I would say less Instagram, more product development and really ideation.

Another thing to think about is, to be a good enough parent, you probably heard of that idea, you do not need to be the best parent. In fact, you won’t be the best parent. But you just need to be good enough.

And the thing that showed up in my Facebook group over and over again was this idea of guilt, guilt, guilt we feel so guilty as mothers because we’re not perfect.

One thing I would say, I think modeling for my daughter that I have a business that I work on. And sometimes I blow her off for my business, but that the business serves our family.

And it is really important, but that she sees me hustling, and she sees everything I do. And I think that being that role model is so powerful, because I don’t want her to give up everything for her children.

I want her to hold on to a part of herself, so, that she can feel good about herself and have a life outside of her kids. So, just be thinking about the power of that for your children.

A couple more things that I want to share is recognize it’s messy, recognize you’re going to be working in the cracks. A lot of the time recognize you’re not going to get to everything on your list. Again, I recommend you do one even small thing every day.

Recognize that your desk might be a mess, that your house might be a mess. And that’s just part of it. But if you can find more peace in that I think you will have more success.

And then other people were commenting in my Facebook group like how though, do I stay present with my kids? And how do I not miss all of these special moments? And I would say that yes.

One thing that’s so great about parenthood that you do get those special moments. Those moments where you get goosebumps, when you see your kid up on stage for the first time, for example.

But there are a lot of moments in there that are uncomfortable, that are upsetting, that are boring. And then every so, often you get a special moment. So, will you miss some special moments just in general not even if you have a blog or a business? Absolutely.

And will you be there for other special moments? You will. And it’s a big soup of all of these things. So, the more again, honest, you can be the better do recognize it starts to move quickly. Your kid for us, when he hits kindergarten, it’s like the clock sped up.

Time Goes Weirdly Fast

I think it’s been really shocking how fast it goes. I always joke that it’s like we took her home from the hospital and we are going to have this 18-year sleep over. And I cannot believe that we are 14 years into the 18 years sleep over.

I don’t understand how time has gone by. But there’ve been other times where it’s been really slow. So, building a business you are in the long game, this is not a sprint. Again. I’m going to say it. Bags of money are not going to show up on your doorstep.

You’re going to have to really hustle for this, but this is your time to really lean in to something that is yours and we will talk about when do I know to outsource?

Well, if you have the money to get a babysitter for a couple hours for your own peace of mind, do it. Even if you’re not making money, because this is turning you into a better mother. This is making more peace probably in your household.

I interviewed one blogger and what she said is she would go to the Y. Because she could get free childcare for a couple hours every day. And that’s when she would write, that’s when she would create blog posts.

How to Think About Outsourcing

Are there solutions like that? Or if there is a job that you hate in your business, like posting to Pinterest, can you hire that out, if it keeps you in the game longer?

There are some great sites like Upwork, where I’ve been able to hire some people in other countries, inexpensively to help me with those monotonous tasks that I hate. So, think about investing in your business, even if you’re not making the money to cover it.

Because you’re also investing in yourself, your own happiness. So, again, depending on your financial situation, maybe there’s a little bit of money that you can carve out, because you will be a better mother.

I want to end with one thought. Feelings are like weather systems. And I think with parenting, those weather systems, it’s like the highs are higher and the lows are lower. That’s at least been my experience.

So, sometimes when you’re in a low, it can feel so awful. And when I’m in a low, I say this it feels as if like I’ve always been in a low, I will always be in a low and I cannot see outside of it.

But I do have the wherewithal to remember that these are weather systems. Like a storm that comes in and then it can be even like a hurricane, but it will ultimately pass.

And when I can remind myself of that, even though I’m in that say this bad weather system, I think to myself, no, no, this time, it’s for real, it’s going to stay forever. But yet, lo and behold, it does ultimately leave.

Reach Out to Me If You’re Having a Bad Day

If you are feeling bad about yourself, if you feel like, I don’t know like your business isn’t worth it, or you’re having a horrible day. I have been there, I understand.

And I ask you to email me at Jillian@milotree.com and just tell me, you’re having a bad day. And I will email you back. And I will hopefully be able to help you get out of that. Because my job I feel is to keep you in the game.

And if I can keep you in the game, I promise you, you will find success, you will find financial success. But it’s about staying in it even when it’s tough. So, to anybody out there who is struggling at any time I’m here, and I would love to hear from you.

And just to give you a little reminder, like a reminder that I need to hear also from myself. I’m just to help you roll through it. So, those are my biggest thoughts about being a mother, being a blogger.

Personally, I will tell you, I love what I do. There is nothing better in my mind than the journey that I have chosen. It has not always been easy. But it is meaningful.

Like having my daughter, I think David and I would agree we didn’t understand how much we could love another human being until we had her. It has changed every fiber of our beings; it is the most meaningful thing we could have ever done.

So, for us, she is the biggest blessing. But remember, it’s really complicated, and it’s really contradictory. And all of those feelings are really valid and it’s really kind of messy.

And so, I leave you with that. And again, reach out when you need to because I’m here for you and I’ve got your back.

I hope you found this episode useful. Maybe it gave you some new things to think about. If you really want to turn your blog into a business and you’ve got a WordPress blog, I recommend you sign up for my course head to milotree.com/wordpress.

I promise you there is no fluff; it is strategy, it is action, it gets you moving and moving quickly. I am going to be raising the price in two weeks. So, this is your time. Also, if you sign up now, you’ll get some more personal attention from me.

So, come learn with me head to milotree.com/wordpress. Sign up now. I really think you’ll like it and I will see you here again next week.

Other related Blogger Genius Podcast episodes to listen to:

• How to Grow Your Blog While Raising a Family with Micaela Preston
• How to Write About Difficult Topics in Your Blog with Cheryl Garove
• How to Turn Your Blogging Disappointment into a Big Success (Rebroadcast)
• 9 Ways To Get Your Blog Off on the Right Foot in 2021 with Jillian Leslie
• The Perfection of B- Work and How to Get Stuff Done with Jillian Leslie

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